After BreakUp, Life Goes On.
One of the hardest things to do in life is to walk out or let go of a relationship. No matter what the cause of a breakup, learning to let go just often isn’t easy to do. It could be the one that got away, a first love, a spouse, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or unrequited love. Regardless of the situation, learning to let go of what’s over is often a very difficult thing to do and the hurt can often last for years if a person simply won’t break the hold.
Recovering from the horrible pain and hurt of a broken relationship is no easy task. When love is found, one naturally wants to believe it will last forever. And it’s great when it does. But when it doesn’t, the hurt and pain can be devastating. But even more devastating can be the pain and suffering the person experiences from not letting go of what’s gone and moving on with living.
Turning off feelings for someone isn’t like turning off a light switch. When a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean the feelings disappear or go away. Being left alone with feelings of emptiness, loneliness, anger, grief, rejection, and despair can prove to be overwhelming. The person might find themselves attempting to contact the other person, making up reasons to be where the other person is, calling them repeatedly, etc….anything to keep in contact with the other person or have some kind of hold or attachment still with them. And while it’s a natural thing to want to do this, it prevents us being healed of the relationship.
In order to let go and live again, the past must be closed. It is impossible to live in the past. You can’t look forward to a future when you live in what was, rather than in the here and now. What has happened is gone, and no amount of wanting, wishing, or regret will undo or changed what’s already happened and is over with.
To put closure on the past, you have to let go of the feeling that you can’t make it without the other person. Feelings of failure, trying to contact the person (unless you have children together), dependency, guilt, resentment, and anger… all of these feelings must be dealt with and brought under control. While they are normal to feel, continuing to harbor them keeps you from being healed of the hurt, and therefore keeps you from living and being happy again.
Often when a relationship ends, one or both parties have the mindset that they are a failure. They measure their self worth by whether a relationship lasted or died. One’s self worth should never be measured by another person, but rather how they are. When you love yourself, you will learn that your self worth does not revolve around another person but rather is enhanced by the other person.
While there is just no way to magically heal the pain and hurting of a lost relationship, there are ways to help yourself heal. The main thing is that you have to allow yourself to want to heal, and not keep clinging to something that you simply cannot change.
Here are the Seven Steps that you need to take to move forward and recover from the end of a break-up.
1. Recognize that you won’t feel this badly forever. While you’re in the midst of it, you can’t see that time will heal . . . but it will.
2. Accept that the relationship really is over. People keep hanging on, hoping that things will improve when they know that there’s no hope. It prolongs the pain.
3. Integrate the fact that your former partner has changed and may be beyond caring for your welfare. As much as you just wish that you could bring him or her back to the way they used to be, they have already moved on.
4. Understand why he/she needs to justify his/her actions any way possible-including rewriting history, lying or attacking you. In order to avoid feeling so guilty, the person who leaves often exaggerates any negatives in the relationship to help them feel better.
5. Give up trying to get the acknowledgment and apology that you deserve. You can’t always get closure – you have to know when to cut your losses and just give up trying.
6. Turn your focus from the past to the future. It takes a conscious effort to stop ruminating on the past and start planning for your future.
7. Celebrate your new life as a single person. Life is long and there is always a chance for happiness if you look for it!
I’m wondering if i made any sense at all. Cos i’m no relationship expert.
26th April 2012